She asked me, “How can I want to overcome vaginismus… if I’ve never even experienced what I’m supposed to be missing?”
It’s a real dilemma. How do you long for closeness… if every attempt ends in fear or pain? It’s like craving chocolate when you’ve never tasted it. You think you’re missing something. But you’re not sure what it is — or if it’s even for you.
But maybe… the fear isn’t proof you don’t want it. Maybe it’s proof that part of you does — and just doesn’t know how to get there yet.
You don’t have to be sure. But if you’ve ever thought, “What would life be like without this fear?” — maybe that’s your starting point.
Let’s talk about it.
Gentle next steps
When you’re ready, two quiet ways to begin
Understanding is the first step. The rest comes from gentle, steady practice — at your own pace, in private, with a companion by your side.
The Vaginismus Book
A gentle, science-based guide to understanding what’s happening and why. “Knowledge removes fear.” In English and German.
The TVZ App
Your private, step-by-step dilator companion. Follow a gentle 9-stage path, log each practice, and build confidence at your own pace. Everything stays on your phone.
You’re allowed to move toward something you’ve only imagined.
Warmly,
Dr Julia Reeve
Gynaecologist · Psychotherapist · Sexologist · Author of The Vaginismus Book
Dr Julia Reeve
Gynaecologist, psychotherapist and sexologist based in Amsterdam, with over thirty years working with women experiencing vaginismus. Author of The Vaginismus Book and creator of the TVZ dilator companion app.
This article is for general information and education. It is not a substitute for individual medical advice. If you have persistent pain or distress, please see a qualified healthcare professional.