Why Is It So Hard to Overcome Vaginismus—And Who Can You Trust to Help You?

Why Is It So Hard to Overcome Vaginismus—And Who Can You Trust to Help You?
By Dr. Julia Reeve

Let’s start with something important:
If you’re here because you’re struggling with vaginismus—maybe silently, maybe desperately—you’re not alone. And no, you’re not broken. There are real reasons why this feels so hard. And there is a way forward.

I’ve been helping women overcome vaginismus for more than 30 years. I've seen the tears, the silence, the frustration, and the fierce determination in so many women—maybe like you—who just want to feel normal, safe, connected. So let me walk you through this.

Why is it so hard?

1. Because it’s not just physical.

Yes, vaginismus is experienced in the body—tight muscles, pain, panic, the body shutting down—but it’s not just a physical issue. At its core, vaginismus is a fear response. Your body is trying to protect you. It doesn’t feel safe.
And fear doesn’t respond to logic. You can’t simply tell yourself to relax or push through it—if that worked, you’d be healed already.
This is why many medical treatments fall short. They treat the symptom, not the pattern. The body needs to learn to feel safe again.

2. Because too many women are misdiagnosed or dismissed.

I wish this weren’t true, but many doctors still don’t understand vaginismus. You may have heard things like “just use more lube,” “drink a glass of wine,” or worse—“it’s all in your head.”
Maybe someone handed you dilators without any emotional support or left you feeling ashamed after a cold exam.
No wonder so many women stop seeking help. No wonder trust is hard.

3. Because shame and silence feed it.

Vaginismus thrives in isolation. Most women don’t talk about it—even with their partners. You might feel like you’re the only one, like your body has betrayed you.
But here’s the truth: there are thousands of women like you. Intelligent, capable women who have vaginismus—and who can heal.
You don’t need to shout it from the rooftops. But you do deserve support, even if it’s quietly, privately, anonymously.

Who can you trust to help you?

Not every expert understands vaginismus. It’s a delicate topic. It needs safety, gentleness, and experience.

When looking for support, ask yourself:

• Does this person truly understand vaginismus—not just the body, but the fear behind it?

• Do they offer both emotional and physical tools?

• Do I feel safe here—seen, not judged?

• Can I take things at my own pace?

What I offer—if and when you're ready

My work is for women like you. Women who are tired of suffering in silence and want to feel hope again.
I’ve created a private, step-by-step online course and a space called The Vaginismus Zone where you can learn, grow, and begin to heal—without ever needing to show your face or explain yourself.

You can also download my e-book, Self Assessment of Vaginismus if you’re still figuring things out. Start there if it feels safer.

And when you're ready, you can explore my programs at your own pace—quietly, privately, and with full respect for your journey.

You are not too complicated.
You are not too far gone.
You are not alone.

And healing is possible—even if it feels impossible right now.

With warmth,
Dr. Julia Reeve